That jokes

They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.

Nah, North Korea got inspired by the fatman nuke that he also became a fatman with nukes.

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?

A vowel movement.

Can you tell me the real answer to this joke?

What do you call a drone that takes the long way around?

Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?

Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.

Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.

Yo mama so fat that when she attempted suicide, she bounced to Area 51.

What is a difference between a tree, a tree house, that has to be the difference between a tree 🌲 from the tree house that has a difference in a tree tree house that is yuyi?

All real chemists know that alcohol is always a solution.

I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

Your mom's my dad. Think about that!

One volcano said, "Is that you, Qs? I am hot."

Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie!