That jokes
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.
Why did potassium draw a tear that would result in him crying?
Because all of his friends argon.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo?
Cutting-edge Technology.
I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.
Fat, mean, and probably inbred.
You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
I went to the market to get eggs, and my sister thought that I meant my balls.
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"
Putin be like that boat is now a submarine!
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50, that fuckin' whore.
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.