That jokes

When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"

Wife: “I want another baby.”

Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”

Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?

Mr. Mime!

So sad that orphans can't watch Family Feud. 😔

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

Spare.

You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.

Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.

I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."

What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?

Lots of fans.

Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.

Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!

My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!

What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.

One morning I saw three kids were bullying one other kid because they didn't have a dad...

Later that day the three same kids were walking toward an orphanage. :)

Were you born on the streets? Because that's where most accidents happen.

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut, g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.

I found a key that works for every door at my school.

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"