That jokes

Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.

I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!

Yo mama so fat that the weighing scale said, "To be continued..."

A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."

Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."

I hate orange, but that always juice back.

You got the whole crowd of people laughing when looking at you.

That face needing some laughing pills.

What did Eve say to Adam?

"That is rock hard."

You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?

Your hairline is so hideous that Derrick White's hairline envies yours.

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

What do you call a bird with no wings?

Moas didn't even know that existed!

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

What are two things that an orphan can’t have?

Two parents.

What do you call a Punjabi that’s drowning? Mandeep.