That jokes

When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.

The Blonde got a Ph.D.?

Yeah, like that would ever happen.

I heard that your forehead is so big that you could build a neighborhood on it.

Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!

What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach a dime.

Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.

Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.

A: Is that why I never see you sweat?

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

Isn't it sad that orphans are only allowed self raising flour? Orphan-👁👄👁

Yo mama so fat that when she attempted suicide, she bounced to Area 51.

What is a difference between a tree, a tree house, that has to be the difference between a tree 🌲 from the tree house that has a difference in a tree tree house that is yuyi?

All real chemists know that alcohol is always a solution.

I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.

"Ligma" is a disease, so does that mean "ligma balls?"

What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!

Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?

Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.

What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?

"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"

Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.

Mum: And that is?

*Kid walks out.*

*Kid comes back in with milk.*

Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!

When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.