That jokes

I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?

You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!

Some people said that JFK had big parties. Some even would say they were *mind blowing*.

Man: *steals drink*

Boy: bro😭😭

Man: Why are u crying over a drink?

Boy: That had drugs.

Man: ....

Ur mum is so fat that when she lived in a flat on the highest floor, she fell through the inner floor.

Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."

What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?

They have both had a few strokes.

What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.

What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.

You're so awesome that the word 'awesome' demanded its title back!

Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?

Because she was straight into Jesus.

You're so cool that celebrities take pictures of you.

This is how big cats were named.

"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."

"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were.

Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5 AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"