That jokes

He turns, he shoots!

And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...

The doctor told me I'm color blind...

Me: That's out of the purple!

I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.

They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!

It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!

Your nose is so big that Apple had to make a custom iPhone that unlocks using Nose ID.

Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.

I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

What do you call a German that can't see? A Notsee.

What is the difference between a human being and a tree tree house that is a tree tree house that is a tree tree house that is a tree tree 🌳?

"Hey, today was great!"

"What happened?"

"I ran into my ex today."

"What's so great about that?"

"I was in my car!"

I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?

My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.

Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?

Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile, I said that's a big word for a seven year old.

Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year, it's still printing.

Your mom is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger?

It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.

Why is Donald Trump like a creamsicle?

He's white on the inside.

He's orange on the outside.

And then there's that stick!

It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?