Temperature jokes
Why does everybody like the sun? Because it's hot.
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
What do you call an Eskimo stripper?
A frosty-tute.
Why did the chili blush?
Because it was so hot!
A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.
The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."
Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."
Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
Why doesn’t the sun go to college?
Answer: Because it has a million degrees! 😀
What are the two hottest cities in the world? Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
What makes it cold in a room? Air conditioning.
Do you have a sunburn, or are you just always this hot?
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
Why didn't the sun go to college?
Because it already had a million degrees!
Texas be like, "We vote to freeze ourselves!"
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
Why does Sonic wear gloves? Because his hands are cold.
Wanna know what my favorite feeling is? Warmth. Fuck, I left the oven on!
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman? Frostbite!