Temperature jokes
I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.
Why did the chili blush?
Because it was so hot!
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
Why did the weatherman’s cheeks turn pink?
He saw the climate change.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
Memes
Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"
"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"
"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx
Why was the stadium so cold?
Because of all its fans!
One volcano said, "Is that you, Qs? I am hot."
Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.
Why is it that skinny men love fat women?
Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.
What makes it cold in a room? Air conditioning.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
What do you call an old snowman that survived till summer?...
Water... yup, water...
What do you call a ride that drops 180 degrees?
Cold as hell.
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division?
Because it has at least one hundred degrees.
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.