The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
Tell Jokes
What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?
Just hang in there, man.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.
The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."
Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?
I pushed an orphan and they said, "I'm telling!" I asked, "Telling who? Your parents?"
Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.
I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.
She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."
I would tell a Biden joke except everyone would not stop falling asleep (including him).
Hey man, I was gonna tell a joke about 9/11, but it was just plane.
What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.
How do you tell the difference between a girl spaghetti and a boy spaghetti?
Meatballs.
"Me tells dad joke often."
"I want to hear it."
"Me? You wouldn't get it."
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."
Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.
What do you tell a stressed-out Pokémon?
“Kakuna Rattata!”
How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball?
Every night he turns into a Golbat.
Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!
I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.
