Tell jokes

How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?

It has an extra crumb-osome.

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.

"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."

"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.

Grandma pointed to the campfire.

What happened the night Stephen Hawking came home wasted?

Nothing... wife couldn’t tell.

Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"

Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"

God says, "You are what you are."

Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."

The joke about the giraffe’s neck is far too long to tell.

I'm about to tell a dwarf joke, see how short that was.

Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!

What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?

The cow never made it.

We should stop.

Wait, but who is the orphan going to tell?

The boomerang!

What do you tell a stressed-out Pokémon?

“Kakuna Rattata!”

How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball?

Every night he turns into a Golbat.

Guys, this has to stop. Let's tell their parents. Oh wait...

I pushed an orphan and they said, "I'm telling!" I asked, "Telling who? Your parents?"

Hey man, I was gonna tell a joke about 9/11, but it was just plane.

Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?

Just hang in there, man.