Tell jokes

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

How do you know if an Asian is a failure?

Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.

Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.

We better stop telling orphan jokes because their parents will get mad. Oh... wait... never mind.

How do you anger a democrat?

Don't tell him the truth.

What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?

Telephone? No.

Television? No.

How then? Tell a woman!

People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.

You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?

Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.

Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?

They say there is strength in numbers. Tell that to the people in the World Trade Center.

When people tell me to "go to hell," I tell them their address.

I could tell a joke right now, but it's too dark.

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.

What do you tell a stressed-out Pokémon?

“Kakuna Rattata!”