Tell

Tell jokes

How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?

It doesn’t have a home page.

Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.

A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!

How do you break an orphan's wall in their room in the orphanage?

Tell them to put a tally on the wall with a pen for every second their parents are missing.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.

The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."

"You should tell your parents," I replied back.

The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."

Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

Dad: Johnny! Johnny!

Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?

Dad: Did you hit your brother?

Little Johnny: No, Papa!

Dad: Telling lies?

Little Johnny: No, Papa!

Dad: Let me see your fist.

Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!

Dad: What is so funny?

Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!

Dad: >:(

Little Johnny: What? It's true!

Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!

Dad: Love you too, son.

People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack had a shock with a mouth full of cock cause Jill’s real name was Randy.

With a tight cheeked fanny and shlong expandy, Jack’s face turned uncanny. Off he ranny to tell granny his best friend was a tranny.

My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].

Me: So tell me about it then.

My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.

Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.

Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.

My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.

Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.

Me: My bad again. Do continue.

My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.

Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?

My cousin: By the game.

Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]