I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.
But it was only on paper view.
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?
Family Feud.
What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?
They both thank you for your financial support.
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
