Television jokes

A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.

I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"

I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.

But it was only on paper view.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?

A. The anti-Family Guy episode.

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.

Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!

A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.

I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?

Because they don't know who's Homer.

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.

The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.

What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?

Family Feud.