Television jokes
My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?
Asked when will they do up the cars!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite TV show?
Robot Wars.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they don't have a home screen.
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
What do people ask on a Friday night?
"Hey, wanna go to the Barb?"
This is WPBS-TV. We'll pledge-break soon — thanks, viewers!
What's a Ninja's worst fear?
Garmadon actually winning.
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
What was JFK's favorite school TV show?
BrainPop.
Where’s the English Channel?
Johnny: “I don’t know. My television doesn’t pick it up.”
"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.
Chuck Norris is a genius for this: Walker Texas Ranger = Wrangler Karate Sex.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
What's the difference between BTS and Futurama? There's only one Bender in Futurama.
Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.
Why is Homelander an orphan's favorite superhero?
Because they can actually land a home.