Television jokes
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
What was JFK's favorite school TV show?
BrainPop.
Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"
Because he would have beef with Homelander.
Your forehead is so big I could use it to get free TV.
I remember the time Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... too bad it was so short he couldn’t find any.
Yo mama is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches sofa.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
Do you know that no one finds Hitler a great guy?
But he really saved the History Channel.
What show do orphans relate to? I'm going with "The Hunger Games."
What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?
Telephone? No.
Television? No.
How then? Tell a woman!
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!
Tonight, on Top Gear!
James May dives a bus full of kids off a mountain!
Richard Hammond starts WW3 in Germany!
And I fly a plane into the World Trade Center!
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?
He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
I bought a Dalek egg timer recently...
After a few minutes, it shouts, "Eggs terminate!"
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.
1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.
2. We all give each other a hand when needed.
Last but not least, we play Twister.
TV Darth Vader: "I'm your father!"
Orphans: "Yea."