Television jokes
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
Yo mama is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches sofa.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
Your forehead is so big I could use it to get free TV.
Memes
"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.
Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.
What was JFK's favorite school TV show?
BrainPop.
Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.
What did the pickle say to his friend Rick?
"We are Pickle Ricks!"
Why’s BBC called BBC?
The dude’s shlong gets bigger every time he says n-
I remember the time Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... too bad it was so short he couldn’t find any.
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?
He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.
1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.
2. We all give each other a hand when needed.
Last but not least, we play Twister.
I bought a Dalek egg timer recently...
After a few minutes, it shouts, "Eggs terminate!"
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.