Television jokes
What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?
Family Feud.
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?
One has more channels.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
What show does an orphan hate? Family Feud.
Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?
Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."
I'm not racist, I have a colored TV.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
Tj's hairline is so far back, Blue's Clues can't find it.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
What's a Ninja's worst fear?
Garmadon actually winning.
Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"
The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"
Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."
What's the worst TV series for orphans?
Family Guy.
Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"
Because he would have beef with Homelander.
Why is Homelander an orphan's favorite superhero?
Because they can actually land a home.
Your mama so fat, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.