Technology jokes
Yo mama so clueless, she dialed 911 on the microwave.
What do you call security outside a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
What is long and hard and full of seamen?
A submarine.
Why do hackers in Africa have hard times dealing with firewalls?
They don't have water.
When one just isn't enough
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
"I'm lagging."
He dead, he alive, but most importantly, he got a new hard drive.
What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?
Bored games.
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?
"ERROR"
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?
The fridge actually runs.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
Stephen Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills.
He just couldn’t figure out who.
Y'all, I'm suspended till Wednesday and can't do much cuz I'm on a tablet, not my computer. Tell autterpop I won't be on till Wednesday or after.
Uber driver: .........
Me: .........
Uber driver: .........
Me: 5 stars.
I got a call from NASA. They’ve reached your hairline.
What is an astronaut's favorite letter on a keyboard?
SPACE.
Don’t fart in an Apple Store.
It has no Windows.