Technology jokes

Roses are red, oranges are orange.

Get a life, quit watching porn.

For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.

A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.

"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"

And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.

"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"

And so he did.

One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.

That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!

Then: You want free candy?

Now: You want free Wi-Fi?

What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.

How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?

Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.

What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?

He became a navigator.

You are so adopted that you don't have a home button on Google Maps.

What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?

The blue screen of death.

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

Why can't orphans play on a computer?

'Cause they have no motherboard.

Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈

What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?

His little brother with the console.

Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.

Why can’t orphans have phones?

Because it has a home button!

Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."

Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."

What do you call a nun on a bike?

Virgin Mobile.

I made a website for orphans.

Silly me, I forgot the home page.