Technology jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
Why can’t orphans pick up their phone after school?
Because they need their parents to go pick it up.
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
What do iPhones and the Titanic have in common?
There's no Jack!
How did Stephen Hawking die? He lost Wi-Fi.
How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.
Stephen Hawking died because he turned off his VPN.
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
Your mama is so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.
Two people are sitting in a skyscraper.
P1: Hey, what wifi are you connected to? The company wifi is horrible.
P2: Airplane wifi.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?
Because they have a break down.
I met a man named Jebidiah on Xbox Live.
Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?
Because she can listen to call music.
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
Question: How bad is German WiFi?
Answer: It's the wurst.
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.