Technology jokes

Your mama is so fat, the photo I took of her last Christmas is still printing.

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

Yo mama is so dumb that she went to the eye doctor just to buy an iPhone.

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.

It's my New Year's resolution.

What did the computer say when it was tired of the user?

Kiss my ASCII!

There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).

What happens when Steven Hawking dies?

Take his iPad to Cash Converters.

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

They say Jesus walked on water.

That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.

I made a website about orphans.

It didn’t have a home page!

What do you call basketball for disabled people?

Rocket League?

Why don’t spiders go back to school?

Because they learn everything on the web.

What do turtles use to communicate?

A shellphone!

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

I know why Stephen Hawking loves Transformers so much now.

Autobots, "Roll Out!"

Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.

What did the computer say to the other computer? “Well, tech-ically we can’t talk.”

The moment you realize that school Kahoot! games are more competitive than the Super Bowl.

I just got a text on my cell. Bone be right back ;)