Technology jokes
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Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.
How do you make Indians explode? Press the red button.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
Why did he not love anymore? His battery died.
Yo mama so stupid, she spoke into a letter for voicemail.
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?
Because they have a break down.
What time is it when you get home, and you can walk, walk home and walk, walk home from?
I named my iPod "Titanic." It's syncing now.
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
Why do orphans like the iPhone 12 Pro?
Because there is no home button.
Your mamma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Yo mama so stupid, your mama thinks that VR is real life.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His computer got a virus.
Q: If an electric train heads south, which way does the steam go?
A: No steam.