Technology jokes
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.
Yo mama so fat that when she took a selfie, she needed two phones.
Why can't orphans use phones? Because they don't know where the home button is.
What did the mincrater do when his Xbox turns off?
He raged! 😱
Talk to me if you're online.
How did Steven Hawking die? His WiFi disconnected.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
You do not spell "computer" like this; you spell it like this: "cumputer."
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
What is the difference between a laser beam and a trash can?
A trash can doesn't rage.
The reason Stephen Hawking died is because he drove too far away from the wall; the cord unplugged.
How did Stephen Hawking die? He lost internet connection.