Technology jokes

Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.

Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?

Why are birds good at social media?

Because they "tweet" all the time!?

Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.

What STD can you get from phone sex?

Hearing AIDS.

Your hairline's so far back even Bill Nye the Science Guy couldn't use photosynthesis to fix it.

If I die, delete my search history.

Approached (DYM 100).

When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the Switch.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

Stephen Hawking isn't dead, he's just can't walk to the shop and get new batteries. 🙄

What does a blind man and a PS4 have in common?

They both need to make sounds to be recognized.

Why was the orphan's first phone an iPhone X?

"It has no home button."

Question: How bad is German WiFi?

Answer: It's the wurst.

I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.

I will remember my classmate's last words: "Ahh, my pen's ink spilled on my computer!"

Why can't an orphan watch T.V.?

Because it can't find the home button.

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”