Technology jokes

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

Yo mama so ugly,

my screen cracked when she took her photo!

Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.

Me: What is that?

Siri: Sugondese nuts.

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.

It's my New Year's resolution.

This website sucks, it never cites the correct information.

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."

2019: The flying cars future.

Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.

What happens when an alien connects with your device?

The alien says on your device: ".-- . / - .-. .- ...- . .-.. / ..-. .-. --- -- / -- .- -. -.-- / -- .- -. -.-- / --. .- .-.. .- -..- -.-- ..."

There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).

What happens when Steven Hawking dies?

Take his iPad to Cash Converters.

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

Why don’t spiders go back to school?

Because they learn everything on the web.

They say Jesus walked on water.

That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.

I made a website about orphans.

It didn’t have a home page!

What do you call basketball for disabled people?

Rocket League?

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

What do turtles use to communicate?

A shellphone!