Technology jokes
What does Michael Jackson and a TV have in common? They both get turned on by kids.
Your mama is so stupid, when her phone died, she bared it, lol.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
So 666-3629, so get it?
Why is there no phone in China?
Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.
Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.
In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.
The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"
Stephen could not click the "I'm not a robot" button, so I guess he is fucked.
I don't know why everyone cares so much about 3D printers. I've had a Canon printer for years.
My father said I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.
What do you call a dev that is dead?
A deadveloper.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
What? A telephone? Nah, I'm using a telebone.
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
What did the HP say to a Dell?
Hello!
You're so fat, you don't need internet because you're already worldwide.
The first time you have a new phone, you have a different one. You can change your phone to a new phone, but it doesn’t change the phone, it’s just different. I think it will work. I just think it would look good, and then it would work, but you don’t know if it’s the right thing for the new one. You just know it’s the wrong. It’s a bad phone. It’s a new thing. It’s the same for different every day, but it doesn’t look, and I think so it’s not a good, but it works, so it’s different, so it’s different for the new phone, and it doesn’t have to work on it. It doesn’t matter to the same for you know it’s just the one but it doesn’t have the one that I can do a lot better and I can just use my new one, but it is not that the new iPhone, so you have the one that’s the other is that I have the same thing and it’s the same phone, but I have to get the new iPhone. I just want it and then you have a good and it’s a different number so it’s just like so it’s just one, but you know it’s not like I have the new iPhone so you know it’s just one so it’s a little more than just the one and it will get the new phone so it’s just easier and cheaper for the money but it won’t cost much more to pay off your car than to get the phone for the next two weeks weeks or even two years to to have the car car fixed so it’s easier and quicker and I will be happy I’m happy happy I’m so excited excited thank y all and I will talk soon and have you have an update as to the results soon thank ya again so far hope all goes all are good hope to be in your class today love and have you been in your dreams hope all your day too bye.
Q: How did Stephen Hawking die?
A: He lost internet connection.