Surgery jokes
A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."
So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.
Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.