I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
Cut.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
Who was the first anesthesiologist? Hitler.
I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.
Unfortunately, he couldn't come.
