Surgery

Surgery jokes

Hospital

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

Thesaurus

A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”

Plastic Surgery

Michael Jackson

What's the difference between vitiligo and plastic surgery?

Vitiligo doesn't alter facial features.

Memes

Year

But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!

Patient

Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.

Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍

Cancer

A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.

Cabbage

Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?

A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.

Cousin

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.

Ex-wife

Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?

She lost her ass playing poker...

Man

A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.

"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.

"What is it?" The doctor asks.

"I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.

". . . That's because I amputated your arms."

Michael Jackson

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.