A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
Surgery Jokes
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
What do you call a crappy circumcision?
A rip-off.
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
Who was the first anesthesiologist? Hitler.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.
Unfortunately, he couldn't come.
A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?
A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Do no doctor start with A and A+?
So when Kim Kardashian went into the ocean, the lifeguard said, "No plastic littering!"
That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.
"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.
"What is it?" The doctor asks.
"I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.
". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
