Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.
Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍
Surgery Jokes
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?
A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.
Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"
Who was the first anesthesiologist? Hitler.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )