Surgery jokes

When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."

How do you circumcise a redneck?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"

What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?

Dumb.

China is as fake as bitches with plastic surgery, and they talk about body positivity.

I have a lot of respect for trans women.

That surgery takes balls!

Imagine Michael Jackson having kids? Would they come out Black or white or plastic?

Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."

Guy: "What's the bad news?"

Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."

Guy: "Good news?"

Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."

Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.

Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."

So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."

Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?

A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.

What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?

The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.