Suicide jokes
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?
What's red and spins really fast?
Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.
How do you call a Chinese emo? Han ing. (Hanging)
Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.
I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
Hello, it is the suicide line. Just keep hanging.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?
A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!