Suicide jokes
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.
I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
Hello, it is the suicide line. Just keep hanging.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?
A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
Guys, should I do it? You know what I mean.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
What tree is every emo kid trying to find?
The hanging tree.
What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?
One does it for the cash, the other for the views.