What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?
The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.
What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?
The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
Wanna know why I don’t make suicidal jokes?
Because I am one.
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,
he is my only motivation for trying again.
Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.
The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."
I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:
The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"
What did the tree say to the kid with the rope?
Nothing, he was hanging.
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”