Store jokes

Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?

At a second-hand store.

Why did the rapper go to the pet store?

To buy a dog for his bark tracks!

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

I'm so poor that they let me buy the entire store! For $0...

Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.

My forehead blew up because I saw yours at the forehead shop!

I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.

My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.

A lot of the time he will take things for granite.

A lot of counter-offers were made.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Algorithm.

Algorithm who?

Think Algorithm to the store.

Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.

I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!

Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.

Things said by racist aliens:

"Some of my best friends are Green."

"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."

"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."

"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"

"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."

"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"

"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."

"Get out of my store you grigger!"

"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

Why did the pillow cross the road?

To get to a mattress store!

*walks into sex shop*

Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.

Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?

IHOP

Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?

Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?

What do emo kids scan at the store? Their wrist.