Store jokes

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

So Stephen Hawking walked into a grocery store.

Never mind.

I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.

Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?

Because they don't like Dick's!

Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Algorithm.

Algorithm who?

Think Algorithm to the store.

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.

I'm so poor that they let me buy the entire store! For $0...

My forehead blew up because I saw yours at the forehead shop!

I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.

My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.

A lot of the time he will take things for granite.

A lot of counter-offers were made.

My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.

But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.

Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?

Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.

Store owner: But still, why?

Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.

Store owner: Oh, I get it now!

I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!

Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.

Things said by racist aliens:

"Some of my best friends are Green."

"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."

"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."

"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"

"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."

"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"

"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."

"Get out of my store you grigger!"

"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

Why did the pillow cross the road?

To get to a mattress store!