Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None. Feminists can't change anything.
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
What’s a Mexican’s favorite sport?
Cross-country.
Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks!
Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
There's four people on a roof a Mexican, Asian, black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says "this is for my people" and jumps off, the Asian also walks over to the ledge and says "this is for my people" and jumps off, then the black guy walks over to the edge and says "this is for my people" and pushes the white guy off.
My dad is like the female wage gap: nonexistent.
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?
The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
