Speed jokes
I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
Why do midgets giggle when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHE’S MARIO KART!
What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).
I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they went through 91 stories in 11.2 seconds.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender ;)
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Why does a cheetah cheat to always win?
9/11 pilots are the best readers.
They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
The reason your dad never came back with the milk is 'cause he ran 88 mph downhill.
The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.
Why do cheetahs always get 100 on a test?
They’re cheetahs!