I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.
Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
Every male is expected to pass their driver's test. Paul Walker clearly failed his.
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
Girls are like roller coasters; the faster you go, the louder they scream.
"Ketchup with me, you are too slow."
Why does the Flash eat ostriches? Because he likes fast food.
Yo mama so fat, Flash couldn't run around her.
Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
What do you call a Pokémon who can’t move very fast?
A Slowpoke.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
