You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.
Speed Jokes
Sonic says: "Gotta go fast!"
The Hulk SMASH!
Orphan says: "Gotta go home!"
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.
Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.
Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?
Because they are not going to work.
What do you call a running chicken?
Scared.
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?
A train driver's egg sandwich.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.
The death toll went sky high.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.
Wait, there aren't any road bumps.
O h s h i t.
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.
Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
