Speech jokes

What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?

One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.

What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?

"What's up?"

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

I got no joke.

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?

What's the difference between a rapist's mouth and a sewer?

Nothing, they both spout shit.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

......

I would make a clock joke, but I don't have time.

What if Hitler did not say "bombs away," he said "lambs are slayed?"

Say "traffic," and replace "r" with "h." It sounds like... that thicc.

What's the difference between George Floyd and Joe Biden?

They both talk like they're on fent.

What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... "How many fingers am I holding up?"

My wife's dyslexic, but hey, nobody's perfect.

There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.

What do you call a rapper who can’t rhyme?

A speech impediment.

Hello worstjokesever.com, I am not typing but instead using a microphone to speech, ding me a period.

I don’t see what’s coming up, but I don’t know why I am sending, so it will be random or funny or just stupid, LOL. So like and subscribe and...

A person went to tell a joke: "Knock knock!" "Who’s there?" "I don’t remember!" (I think we need to moove on to the next joke now.)

I just now made this one up! Then I realized it is in the cow category, so I added the moove on part! 😂

I like my new... e-a-tree and a tree that is a magic house and a tree tree and a...

Cock.

A horse walked in a bar and the bartender asked, "Why the long face?"