Speech Jokes

What's the difference between a rapist's mouth and a sewer?

Nothing, they both spout shit.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

......

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?

What if Hitler did not say "bombs away," he said "lambs are slayed?"

I would make a clock joke, but I don't have time.

The image is split into two panels. In the top panel, a drawn NPC is at a podium with the word "TED" behind him. The NPC is in a speech bubble saying, "organise your time or smth". In the bottom panel, there are many drawn NPCs with one of them in a speech bubble saying, "OMG, life changing".

Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."

What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... "How many fingers am I holding up?"

My wife's dyslexic, but hey, nobody's perfect.

There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.

What do you call a rapper who can’t rhyme?

A speech impediment.

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.