Speech jokes

How do pirates like their movies?

You already know the answer, don't you?

Well...

ARRR rated! Huh huh huh...

Why did my mouth say no to butt? Because that would be too much sex.

Hey, I'm Gwen. I just want to say I am speechless.

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.

What does your mom say when she is working?

Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.

What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"

I'd insult BlessedBrian, but it seems NATURE beat me to it.

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

My friend said, “there shouldn’t be discrimination, just black and normal.”

That was also the same guy who said [link to joke].

What did the duck say to the pond?

"Fuck Trump."

Did you hear about the guy who made the knock-knock joke?

He won the "no bell" prize.

"Aren't you going back home now?"

"No, I am going back home."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Ahoy Mateys.

Ahoy Mateys who?

Ahoy mateys, balls fit in your mouth? LOLOLOLOLOLOL

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

Why is he called Stephen Hawking?

Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

I say what Kay’s jesjejejeeuedeeeeeeee.

Say "sukki" 10 times fast.

My speech impediment has gotten so worse that I stutter when typing sentences.

What do you call a favorite joke that isn’t your favorite?

None fave. Foch heads.