Speech jokes

"Aren't you going back home now?"

"No, I am going back home."

Did you hear about the guy who made the knock-knock joke?

He won the "no bell" prize.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

I say what Kay’s jesjejejeeuedeeeeeeee.

Why is he called Stephen Hawking?

Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

Ready? Go!

Yes yes yes the yes yes he did but what u tolk xjxfjgjcmbjhdkggdjlud.

I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.

Tada mun ang hai jiwain taage naal khota bania Honda ae.

Fuk yall!

"My name must taste good; it's always in your mouth."

What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?

Say "urine egger" five times fast.

What do you call a smart booty?

A wise-crack!

Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?

A: It means cats and dogs can talk.

Say "Mike Wizowski" fast to a teenager and I will get you $100000000000.

Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"

What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?

"What's up?"

What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?

One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.