Something Jokes

What do you do when your sad nothing because you are just crying aobut something happening to you

i got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit that needle hurt.

"Do you have a noose" Nose?- "Yeah, nose- nose... I heard your's was stuffed lately- haha." I actually smell something- Like a corpse Is it you?- "No." *Dying on the inside has never been so detectable

Huh I’m pregnant again must be something in the air, Yea your legs

Your hairline has a huge path between it, looks like Moses had something to do with it

Pretend me please stop! I don't recall posting anything except commenting and posting something for Jordan C! Please stop!

bro my forehead is so big whenever i need to find something on it i need the exact coordinates

I asked Daveon if he ever considered trying something new, and he replied 'why fix what ain't broke?????

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

its smell like something die in my room, oh yeah its my dignity,hope, and my feeling. put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears .

Me and Rose Bushes have something in common mangled,can hurt,red, and people only like one part

whats something red that is bad for your teeth?

a brick.

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

A profession golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?" "Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive." "Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"

Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging- think the opening line goes something like “they see me rolling, they hating”

so a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats and the dealer tells him ‘dude the rain will ruin the seats get it under something if it starts raining and worst case scenario put vaseline all over the seats to make it water proof’. so he goes to his girlfriend house that night for dinner and before he goes inside she says ‘listen this is your first time meeting your parents we have a rule, the first one to speak has to do the dishes’. so he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes over 3 months because no one has spoken and the stench is awful. during dinner he concocted a plan to get someone to speak so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. not a peep eventually he grabs his girlfriend bends her over and starts going to town. still nothing the parents are outraged but not speaking because they don’t want to do the dishes. after about a minute of this he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. at that moment it starts to rain his motorcycle is out in the rain and grabs the vaseline out of his pack pocket and the dad goes ‘FINE ILL DO THE DISHES’

So you get a new job, and here something about this guy named mike, The next day you go into the office and mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and Rainbows and stuff, then, a co-worker comes up and says "No one told you mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*".

Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk tp the nearest gas station a few miles back. One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.