Something jokes

Run, or something will come to you, and you will be afraid to tell it to stop following you.

Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!

Your hairline looks like something that came off the bottom of a Reese's cup.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

I asked Daveon if he ever considered trying something new, and he replied "why fix what ain't broke?"

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

It smells like something died in my room, oh yeah, it's my dignity, hope, and my feeling. Put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears.

Your hairline has a huge path between it, looks like Moses had something to do with it.

What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."

"Do you have a noose?"

"Nose?"

"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."

"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"

"No."

*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*

"Pretend me please stop! I don't recall posting anything except commenting and posting something for Jordan C! Please stop!"

I had something about tripping over ice.

Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.

A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.

What's something red that is bad for your teeth?

A brick.