Something jokes

What's something red that is bad for your teeth?

A brick.

For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.

What do you call an orphan who likes football?

Because someone will actually give him something.

What do you do when you're sad?

Nothing, because you are just crying about something happening to you.

So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.

I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.

Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.

Yeah, your legs.

I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.

Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.

Bro, my forehead is so big whenever I need to find something on it, I need the exact coordinates.

What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?

Kid's.

A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.

The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Gwen, this needs to stop, so please, this is not a dating website, go on Tinder or something, just not here. Hate me if it makes you feel better, but this is sickening!

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

Ert.

My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"

"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."

"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"