Something jokes

"Pretend me please stop! I don't recall posting anything except commenting and posting something for Jordan C! Please stop!"

I had something about tripping over ice.

Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.

A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.

What's something red that is bad for your teeth?

A brick.

For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.

What do you call an orphan who likes football?

Because someone will actually give him something.

What do you do when you're sad?

Nothing, because you are just crying about something happening to you.

So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.

I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.

Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.

Yeah, your legs.

I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.

Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.

Bro, my forehead is so big whenever I need to find something on it, I need the exact coordinates.

What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?

Kid's.

A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.

The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Gwen, this needs to stop, so please, this is not a dating website, go on Tinder or something, just not here. Hate me if it makes you feel better, but this is sickening!

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

Ert.