Something jokes
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
What do you call an orphan who likes football?
Because someone will actually give him something.
Your hairline has a huge path between it, looks like Moses had something to do with it.
What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."
Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.
Yeah, your legs.
I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
Bro, my forehead is so big whenever I need to find something on it, I need the exact coordinates.
"Pretend me please stop! I don't recall posting anything except commenting and posting something for Jordan C! Please stop!"
A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.
I had something about tripping over ice.
Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.
Gwen, this needs to stop, so please, this is not a dating website, go on Tinder or something, just not here. Hate me if it makes you feel better, but this is sickening!
Ert.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.