Something

Something jokes

Prank

  • Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!

    (Btw I never actually did this irl yet)

    So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why I made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.

    I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!

  • 5
  • World Trade Center

  • What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?

    “Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”

  • 1
  • Boomer

  • One day, I was walking down the street, and then I saw something really funny, and then I ran, and I saw a boomer, but I don't really know what I'm talking about, lol.

    Aisle

  • A guy in a Costco was pretty pissed off at something. A guy walks up to him and says, "What's wrong, pal? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned aisle!"

    Butt Plug

  • Butt plug, oh butt plug, get out of me.

    Butt plug, oh butt plug, get in my mouth, oh how I wanna taste you.

    Oh, butt plug, oh butt plug, something is nutty.

  • 1
  • Tortoise

  • A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.

    Nut

  • What's the artist imagine something?

    Imagine Dragons!

    Imagine draggin' these nuts across your face!

  • 0
  • Stephen Hawking

  • Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”

  • 2
  • Scale

  • Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

  • 0
  • Homework

  • Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.

    Teacher and kid.

    Kid: Hey, teacher.

    Teacher: Yes?

    Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?

    Teacher: Of course not.

    Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!

    Insult

  • New teacher: "I was an orphan when I was young."

    Student: "But!"

    Teacher: "Is something missing?"

    Student: "Your parents!"

  • 0
  • Pastor

  • The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"

    "This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.

    The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."

    Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

  • 1
  • Kid

  • Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.

    Mum: And that is?

    *Kid walks out.*

    *Kid comes back in with milk.*

    Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!