Something jokes

I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.

Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.

Yeah, your legs.

I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.

Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.

What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?

Kid's.

A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.

The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

Bro, my forehead is so big whenever I need to find something on it, I need the exact coordinates.

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

I had something about tripping over ice.

Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.

Gwen, this needs to stop, so please, this is not a dating website, go on Tinder or something, just not here. Hate me if it makes you feel better, but this is sickening!

My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

Ert.

If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?

I asked Daveon if he ever considered trying something new, and he replied "why fix what ain't broke?"

Your hairline looks like something that came off the bottom of a Reese's cup.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.