Something jokes
A gay man enters a bar. At the counter, he sees a skinhead sitting, which he somehow finds cute. He gathers all his courage, goes to the skinhead and whispers to him, "Do you want a blowjob?"
The skinhead punches the gay man in the face with his fist, causing him to go down. Then he drags him outside into the parking lot and kicks him again with his boots before going back inside and sitting down at the counter.
"Man," says the bartender, "but you beat him up quite a bit! What did the man even say to you that you were so freaked out?"
"I don't know," replies the skinhead, "something about a job..."
What's something you shouldn't tell a paraplegic that's being confronted by a bully?
Just walk away.
Today I asked my best friend what their favorite joke was. They started waving their hands around, and I thought it was a sign to go, thinking I had offended them or something. Turns out they were mute...
Why do people use terms like "sucky" to mean that they don't like something?
If something "sucks," shouldn't that signify that it is at least good for one thing and will bring pleasure?
I had an Alzheimer's joke, but something's fogging up my mind.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
What do you call something that eats kids?
An upset mother.
What’s something you can say about your clothes but not your partner?
It’s just a rental.
What do feminists do when they fail at something?
Blame men for sexism and misogyny.
What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?
Land ho!
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?
"Good Lord, this is fun!"
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
New teacher: "I was an orphan when I was young."
Student: "But!"
Teacher: "Is something missing?"
Student: "Your parents!"
I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.
The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"