Someone's jokes
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
What did the man say about someone who had a seizure?
"Jit was lagging."
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?
You better not lay a finger on her!
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?
Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.
Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.
Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.
can someone please tell what happened?
"Shout out to entity...welcome to hell!"
"Every time I see your icon I vomit lol."
"Get a life... hey I'm violet olivegarden how can I help you if you need me to disc someone ill help..."
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
Two blonde girls find a beautiful Christmas tree in the woods.
After two hours, someone said, "We found a tree without bark!"
I went to the table to eat my egg, but I couldn't find it anywhere.
I think someone must've poached it.
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
How does a rapper greet someone on a cold day?
"Yo, is the temperature Ice Cube, or Vanilla Ice?"
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?
Womxn
Why did the orphan cheat on his girlfriend with a guy?
Because he wanted someone to call "Mommy" and "Daddy."