Someone's jokes

Yo Mama's so fat... whilst she was walking the streets of London, she accidentally bumped into someone, and that someone yelled, "Stupid American!"

Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.

Like this post to give someone you hate bad luck.

When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.

My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"

Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.

Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?

A baked potato.

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Why did the electron leave the atom?

Because it had its ion someone else.

Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.

An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."

Richard: Mom, someone called me gay.

Richard's mom: Why didn't you slap him across his face?

Richard: No, I couldn't.

Richard's mom: Why?

Richard: Because he was cute.

Why did the male orphan decide to be gay?

Because he wanted someone to call "daddy."

Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?

Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.

Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.

How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?

Kick his sister's jaw.

If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”

Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3

How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?

Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."