Someone's jokes

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."

Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?

What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?

After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........

can someone please tell what happened?

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought someone else was ugly, but then I saw you.

What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?

A steamed vegetable.

I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.

Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.

I have a dog named Syndrome.

But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.

How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?

They have a dot in the middle of the head.

Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?

Because good luck finding someone who’s always in the booth!

What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?

"Baby, now we got bad blood."

If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?

One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.