Sleep jokes
"Roses are red, Shut up and go to bed!"
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
What do you call a woman who sleeps with multiple men?
A whore.
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
Happy was a cute hippo.
Happy sleeps in the water.
Happy walks on land.
Happy runs on Savannahs.
Happy swims in mud.
Happy takes a bath.
What do you call a rapper who CAN’T GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?
Snooze Dogg.
I SAID GO TO BED BEFORE I SLAP THOSE SPOTS OFF OF YOU!
What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?
What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!
I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
I said, "Are you half left or half right?"
"Neither! In-between."
"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"
You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?
Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?
You: Uhhhhhhh
Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.
You: Thank God.
Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...
You: *faints*
What do a man and a blonde do in bed?
Sleep!
From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.