Sleep jokes

Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!

⚠️I’m not racist it’s just a joke⚠️

What do you call four black ppl in a sleeping bag?

A Kit Kat

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.

You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?

Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?

You: Uhhhhhhh

Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.

You: Thank God.

Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...

You: *faints*

What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?

It's pasture your bedtime.

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.

What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?

Your mom finishes.

What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.

From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”

You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.

Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.

I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?

Sleeping Beauty.

Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?

"No."

Yeah, but then he woke up.

After sleeping with her boyfriend for the first time, the lead singer of Blackbriar told her friend all about it: "Ik zora cock!"

This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"

I replied, "I done it as a joke."

-April 1, 2020