I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.
Orphan: Wanna have a sleepover?
Friend: But you're an orphan.
Orphan: Just wanted a place to sleep tonight!
Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.
This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."
Where do rabbits sleep?
In the junkyard outside.
Time for you to stop looking at jokes on worstjokesever.com and go to bed!
Why are fish not sleeping? 'Cause the bed is wet.
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
My brother Taf likes to pee the bed.
Why did the computer go to bed?
It needed to crash.
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.
The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.
The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.
Conversation between a little baby and a lady👇
👱LADY: Hi. 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: How old are you? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your mom's name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What about your dad? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell GOD? 💂LIT.BABY: (spelling) G.O.D
If a little baby can spell GOD, what about you? Just spend some minutes and type "GOD" if [you] know [that you] will sleep and wake up tomorrow by GOD's grace, ignore if you are living by power. MINE: GOD 😃
I do not understand why people aren't scared of spiders. I mean, like they have 87447924872320984623879480327678987388025873289576348097923408370983728 legs and 23864867759578590893839420387424763478923748394783294327428748243264278 eyes.
I saw a spider in my room. YOU THINK I'M GONNA SLEEP IN THERE?????????
Nope. I'm moving to Japan.
KONNICHIWA
Why does Adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed?
What time is it when you say, "Wake up?"
It is morning.
Where did the cake sleep on the stove?
In a pan.
It’s raining, it’s pouring. The old man is snoring. He got shot in the head and didn’t wake up in the morning.
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?
Because they are high.
