Skill jokes
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
My wife still misses me...
But her aim is getting better!
There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.
You: What you doing?
I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?
HAAAAAANNNNDDDDEEEEEEYYYYEEEEEE!
I know a lot of jokes, but I could learn a femor.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but it eventually came back to me.
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
I am counting my fingers and get nine. Why?
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
When my friend says I suck at something, I'm like, "U swallow."
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A pork chop.
Only a genius can say this.
I am stupid.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.