I know a lot of jokes, but I could learn a femor.
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
I am counting my fingers and get nine. Why?
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
When my friend says I suck at something, I'm like, "U swallow."
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
I had the best butterfingers yesterday.
I dropped it.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
KSI driving ability.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
Tushar’s fortnite skills
IF STEPHEN HAWKINS HAD A FIFA CARD HE WOULD HAVE 99 DRIIBLE
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
