Skill jokes
Why are the English so good at chess? Because their Queen never dies.
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
Why are Americans so bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
Because they can't run home.
What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
Why are Nepalese bad at chess?
Because someone already killed their king!
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
Why are Nazis so good at soccer?
Because they're so good at shooting.
Why are Americans bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why are ninjas' farts so dangerous? Because they're silent and deadly.
You're the wrist-slitting simulator champion!
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
Why can’t Helen Keller drive? She’s dead.