Shot jokes
I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.
Dick cheese, booty hole, yellow cum shot, anal shit, dick hole, ass brownies.
Did you hear about the new drink commemorating Princess Diana?
It had nine shots and seven chasers!
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.
Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
This kid lost Kahoot, so he shot up the school.
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."
Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?
A. An ambulance.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Yo mama so fat that when she was on the moon, she had it sent right into the abyss of outer space.
How are Black people like communism?
Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.