Shot Jokes

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"

Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?

A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.

Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?

A. An ambulance.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)

Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.

Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?

He shot a Ginger.

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

What would Donald Trump be if he was Black?

Shot in the head.

Why do Black people not like country music?

Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.

Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.

A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.

The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.

The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.

The statistician shouts, "We got him!"

Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.

Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."

How are Black people like communism?

Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.

What did Tupac's homies smoke? His ashes.

It would've been too tacky to take a shot in his memory.

A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"