Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
Shot Jokes
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."
More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.
They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.
It’s raining, it’s pouring. The old man is snoring. He got shot in the head and didn’t wake up in the morning.
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
There once was a commie called Ed. Usually known as Ned. He went to bed, Got shot in the head, Unfortunately now he was dead.
What happens when someone shoots the Hulk?
He got gangryeen.
Gangrene+green+angry
Hey Gwen... I had a friend named Gwen in preschool.
The preschool was Cascade Christian and in Washington (which is close to Oregon. I read in a chat that you live there.) This is a long shot, but I think you might be the same Gwen. If not, ok.
I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.
How did Steven Hawking die?
His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.
The priest wanted the little boy to touch his cross. The boy said, "It's hard." Then it shot out holy water, and the priest said, "Come again and taste the second cumming of Jesus, lmao."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
Why did the boy shoot the clock?
What is the best thing about gay people?
They're gay about being gay even though they're gonna get shot in the USA. Wait, that rhymes!
My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0
This is not a joke; this is just about death...
I was playing Fortnite with a kid, then I heard their emo sister in the background, and it sounded like they were playing Fortnite, too, with the pistol shot and all.
