Shot jokes

What happens when someone shoots the Hulk?

He got gangryeen.

Gangrene+green+angry

Hey Gwen... I had a friend named Gwen in preschool.

The preschool was Cascade Christian and in Washington (which is close to Oregon. I read in a chat that you live there.) This is a long shot, but I think you might be the same Gwen. If not, ok.

I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.

How did Steven Hawking die?

His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.

The priest wanted the little boy to touch his cross. The boy said, "It's hard." Then it shot out holy water, and the priest said, "Come again and taste the second cumming of Jesus, lmao."

A time traveler walks into a bar.

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.

Why did the boy shoot the clock?

What is the best thing about gay people?

They're gay about being gay even though they're gonna get shot in the USA. Wait, that rhymes!

I was playing Fortnite with a kid, then I heard their emo sister in the background, and it sounded like they were playing Fortnite, too, with the pistol shot and all.

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

I bought a new camera once. Every shot I took was killer!

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

Do you think I can shoot a basketball?

I make it dip like water.

Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"

Did you hear about the new drink commemorating Princess Diana?

It had nine shots and seven chasers!

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.

Robber 1: *gets shot in ass*

Robber 2: You have to shit in a bag for life lol.

Robber 1: What, the Tesco or Asda one?

Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.

So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.

This didn't actually happen.

Did you hear about the bank robber?

Turns out he got shot by the police.

And he wound up in prison.

- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.

- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.

- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.