Shot jokes

It’s raining, it’s pouring. The old man is snoring. He got shot in the head and didn’t wake up in the morning.

There once was a commie called Ed. Usually known as Ned. He went to bed, Got shot in the head, Unfortunately now he was dead.

What did John say after someone shot his leg?

Oof!

Hey Gwen... I had a friend named Gwen in preschool.

The preschool was Cascade Christian and in Washington (which is close to Oregon. I read in a chat that you live there.) This is a long shot, but I think you might be the same Gwen. If not, ok.

What happens when someone shoots the Hulk?

He got gangryeen.

Gangrene+green+angry

I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.

Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."

How did Steven Hawking die?

His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.

The priest wanted the little boy to touch his cross. The boy said, "It's hard." Then it shot out holy water, and the priest said, "Come again and taste the second cumming of Jesus, lmao."

A time traveler walks into a bar.

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.

Why did the boy shoot the clock?

What is the best thing about gay people?

They're gay about being gay even though they're gonna get shot in the USA. Wait, that rhymes!

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

I was playing Fortnite with a kid, then I heard their emo sister in the background, and it sounded like they were playing Fortnite, too, with the pistol shot and all.

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

I bought a new camera once. Every shot I took was killer!

Do you think I can shoot a basketball?

I make it dip like water.

It's okay if you miss while saying "Kobe" because he didn't make it either.

Did you hear about the new drink commemorating Princess Diana?

It had nine shots and seven chasers!

Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"