Short jokes
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why can’t Americans play chess?
They lost 2 towers.
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?
Fill her closet with see-through clothes.
I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.
Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
What does a hooker and butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
What's a cannibal's favorite snack?
Men toes! 😂🤣
I'm looking for the bartender.
Person named Bart:
My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.
I played Uno with my Mexican friend.
That bastard took all the green cards!
Guys, you shouldn't joke about 9/11.
My great-uncle died that day. Best damn pilot in Iraq.
▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一.
Spread the cat gun.
That one depressed friend.