Short jokes
Stairs are bad, because they are always up to something.
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Gary. Gary who? Gary a torch.
This text does not contain a joke.
Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.
I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.
But no pun in ten did.
Yesterday I made food using oil--olive oil.
(I love oil!)
They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."
Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.
What is the best way to end a cookbook?
And that’s a wrap!
Once a mustang, always a mustang. - Mr. Shaw
Why was the dog staying in the shade?
Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!
So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"
What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"
Why was the Burnside Bridge so hot?
Because it's on the burning side.
Sam Gonzales