What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
Short Jokes
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."
Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"
Why are skeletons not funny? Because they have no humor. 🤣
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Q: What do kidnappers and rapists have in common?
H: It's similar to shoes.
A: White Vans.
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman?
Batman returns.
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
I am thinking of removing my spine.
It's only holding me back.
What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?
Kermit in a car crash.
I went to the store and bought Minecraft Java Edition.
I found a village, burned it down, and then I went home and played Minecraft.
Yesterday I was asked where my parents are. I said, "Getting milk."
What happened when the man died? Yes.
POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
6 looks like someone facing up.
9 looks like someone facing down.
69 looks like 2 people sucking each other's dicks.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
