Short jokes
Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plum-ber.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.
Your hairline's so ugly it made Michael Jackson lean back.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the homepage.
Why do women have two sets of lips?
I kiss both.
I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.
Their life is a joke.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Why do gay men hate periods?
They prefer Collins.
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
What do a male pornstar and an emo have in common?
They are both hung.
TV: Water found on Mars...
Mars: 1
Africa: 0
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.