Short jokes
What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?
“What in the world did I just read?”
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.
What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.
You really put the R in special.
What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!
What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.