Short jokes
Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.
What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.
You really put the R in special.
What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!
What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
Why are gay dudes so rude?
Because they're fucking assholes.
Osama bin Laden rated America.
He gave us a 9/11.
What did the Twin Towers say to each other?
Sorry if that offended anyone.
“I guess we are going down together!”
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)