Short jokes
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
What’s the difference between masturbation and brain damage?
After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
I need more webs and I need more supplies for more webs, how do I make them? With spiders!
Why do orphans have gross cakes?
Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.
My name is Martha.
"Autism be like..."
Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?
What do you call an Italian dog?
A labra-noodle.
"Just killed a woman, feeling good."
- Tommyinnit
"SpaStics on aplastic. Add me on ps4 SpaZZagaZZa54."
Why did the snake eat a panda?
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
What did the autistic man order at McDonald’s?
Ass Burgers.
Better to drink until you wave it off than to wave it down.
I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.
A son asked his mom: "Why are the lines in the LGBTQ community flag straight?"
People: Stop joking about such serious issues!
Me: Kill yourself.
Which is better looking, girls or women?