Short jokes
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
Why are gay dudes so rude?
Because they're fucking assholes.
Osama bin Laden rated America.
He gave us a 9/11.
What did the Twin Towers say to each other?
Sorry if that offended anyone.
“I guess we are going down together!”
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
What do you call a Black-Asian dictator?
Kim Kong Coon.
Are you the Twin Towers? I can't stand you.
If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?