Short jokes
Why can't America play chess?
There are missing two towers.
My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.
What should orphans do when their parents aren’t there? The usual.
What sound did Stephen Hawking make when he died? Power off.
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
I would tell a Biden joke except everyone would not stop falling asleep (including him).
What's the difference between a gamer and dog poop?
Dog poop touches grass.
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
Gay dik.
Smol Dik.
Plastik Dik.
Rubeh Dik.
Smooth Dik.
Metahl Dik.
I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.
"I'm very good in sports."
"In which sports?"
"EA Sports."
Why do orphans not like 1st-5th grade teachers?
Because they have a home room.
Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?
Answer: Insider trading.
Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.
Child abortion is like tax evasion: the more you lose, the less problems you have.
What do you call people from Paris?
Parasites.
I don't have a joke, I just have a friend named Jack.
Ever seen twins?
If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.