Short jokes
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plum-ber.
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?
“What in the world did I just read?”
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.
What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.
You really put the R in special.
What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!
What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.