Short jokes
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
Your mom is so old, she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.
If a king farts, is it a noble gas?
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.
How do you paint a wall red?
You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.
Stephen Hawking walks into a b... nevermind.
Which country is next to the USA? USB.
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.
Say "toast" three times. Spell "toast" three times. What do you put in a toaster? The answer?
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
What does Hellen Keller call her dog?
"NAUSHFBUYGWF"